I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
