just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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