you have to choose: penises or morals?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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