I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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