Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
sarcasm needs its own font
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
my liver is dry heaving
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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