Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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