I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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