She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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