My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
