i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's rum buckets o'clock
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
