Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
