i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
