you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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