what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize