dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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