Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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