The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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