also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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