you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
