When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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