I seem to have left my pride at pride
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
