He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
