So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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