I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
