I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
