He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
