Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
