Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We are two peas in an std pod
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
