Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
