hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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