Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
