i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There r osticjed everywhere
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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