just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
