Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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