my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
