i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
