yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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