im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
