he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize