smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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