there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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