listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Banned from zoo.
Again?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
