just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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