halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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