Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
