How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
two words: eviction party
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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