you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
