I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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