As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
