She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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