My boss' voice literally gives me gas
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize