you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
