what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Your dad touched me again.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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