I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize