You're completely useless in the revolution.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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