He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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