Apparently you make a good broom.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
