Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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