mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize