New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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