I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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