Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
