I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Never underestimate the power of titties
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