He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
