A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
