Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
