She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
