Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
