I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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