she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
