There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
