His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
