It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I will be naked everywhere
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
