i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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