why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
