So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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