As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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