Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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