she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
