hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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