ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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