I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
