Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
