So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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