I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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