i need an iv and a liver transplant
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize