I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just found a bag of teeth...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
