Non-Jews are for practice
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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