This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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