When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
