Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
