Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What a dumb baby whore.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
