TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
