Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
