how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
