she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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