OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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