He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
