Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
