All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
