That's intense
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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