i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
