um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We left the knife in your bed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
