Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
