People in love make me want to vomit
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize