I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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