dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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