Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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