his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
