I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think my vagina is haunted
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
