OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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