Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
