Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
