I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
