oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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