He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
