i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
